Saturday, March 13, 2004

This will be my last post in this space. I'm changing over to hosting the blog on my own website. Maybe not as functional as this one, but for me it is a better choice. So, please follow me to:


(see you there....)

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Today I’ve been thinking about moments of lust. How much control does the average person have? Is it more than we think, or less than we think? We all hold certain impulses in, probably all the time. I mean, we hold our tongue when a friend doesn’t need to know the whole truth. We avoid telling a boss, or a coworker, what we really think. And sometimes, when we feel the attraction to someone new, we avoid acting on it.

For better? Or for worse?

Those words, albeit, out of context, sometimes haunt me. My impulses drive me in two almost completely different directions. The rational, well-grounded side of my nature is usually in control. I manage by fact in my job. I supervise employees who work on instinct, but the decisions are based on fact. This doesn’t rule out the occasional overruling based on a purely emotional level. However, generally the better side of my nature rules.

I’m not so sure this side rules my personal life. I deny myself little. It’s kind of a work hard / play hard motto. I want to go out, I go out. I want to party, I party. I want to fuck, I fuck. It’s when the two sides cross that my problems begin. I try too hard to compartmentalize these two areas. It’s no wonder it causes conflict. That, of course, is the least of my problems.

Sex. It’s always about sex, isn’t it? I know sometimes I obsess about it. If I were a man it would be acceptable. For a woman it can be the most grievous of sins. It is getting better, but there’s still the little voice at the back of your head that tells you ‘nice girls don’t’. Over the years I’ve managed to beat the little voice into the darkest corners of my mind. She doesn’t even get her fifteen minutes much anymore. Of course, I’ve managed to do this by setting up some ground rules. You know, things like:

- no married men
- no coworkers
- no neighbours
- no sex with people you don’t like

There are probably a few more I can’t recall, but those are pretty good for a start. The one about coworkers, and neighbours, is an intense aversion to the armed camp feel after a breakup with someone you can’t avoid. They are very sensible rules, but sometimes the hardest to hold.

I’m not sure why I’m writing all this. I suppose it wouldn’t be a bad start to a story. I spent most of the afternoon fighting an attraction to someone I work with, although he’s not normally at our location. At least he’s not married. I’ve done this before, in almost the same situation. An affair at arm’s length can be handled in a more civilized manner. Of course, all of this doesn’t account for standing within touching distance for a couple of hours. The desire to touch, to pull close, to get away from the business and let your emotions take over is overpowering.

Then you move to his hotel for a little while. A companionable drink, keeping a friend company in a strange city... it just seems to reasonable. The bar is noisy, you move closer, hands brush lightly every now and then. Tonight however, the rational side of my brain kicked in. I came home, after a few quick touches under my clothing in the dark parking lot.

I decided that masturbation was probably a better choice. For tonight at least...

Yes, it’s a bit of a tease. If I ever take it further I’d fictionalize it and add a little dialogue. The meeting at work would be expanded, and deal with the emotions of the moment during the day. Perhaps the main character would make her decision very early on, before the bar. Or it’s possible the barriers would be broken down after hours. It makes for an interesting dilemma, don’t you think?

That’s my thoughts for tonight people. G’night.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

My god, have I been out of it for that long? Yep. I've actually been playing at avoiding the computer for at least a week or two. I hate to admit it, but the winter weather depresses me. My energy level goes down dramatically and I don't seem to achieve anything. So for some strange reason I've been humming a tune under my breath this evening. Of course, it's from a Canadian band that had limited success in the US, and I don't think any overseas, so nobody will have heard of it. Anyway, the bit that seems appropriate tonight is (at least as far as I'm alive and doing fine):

And the sign said everybody welcome, come in, kneel down and pray
But when they passed around the plate at the end of it all,
I didn't have a penny to pay, so I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own little sign
I said thank you Lord for thinking about me, I'm alive and doing fine

It's from a song called 'Signs' by a group called Five Man Electrical Band. A web link for those Canadians now awash in nostalgia - http://www.fivemanelectricalband.ca/. There is a page with the complete lyrics to the song, and the discography page has a 40 sec sample in case someone has a burning desire to hear it.

The weather is improving here. The big piles of snow have melted. During my more sane and rational moments I admit that perhaps spring is on the way. A little over a week to the vernal equinox (that's 1:49 am EST on March 20th). It's the kind of occasion that should be celebrated by a small orgy or some such thing. Okay, so you could celebrate almost any date with a small orgy. ;-)

I'm trying to think what exactly is new. Nothing specific. I'm currently lusting after a potential new guy. It's just an attraction that hasn't turned into anything, but there's been a huge amount of flirting. Had a great fantasy about him the other night while driving home from a friend's place. I'm not sure why, but I have this fascination with dominating him. It probably stems from the fact that our relationship (so far) has been competitive. I'm not sure that's the correct word - is there really such a thing as competitive flirting? Kind of an in-your-face thing where neither one of us wants to admit that we just want to fuck ourselves senseless. I haven't dropped anyone out of the circle of 'usual suspects' so to speak, but a new face (and body) are always welcome.

Oh, and I broke down and bought some new toys. That would be of the sex variety you know. I looked for some pictures online of what I just bought, and added pictures of the ones I had. Is seven pictures way too many? It's technically only 6 toys since the new dildo and the old harness go together. Okay, I admit it, I love my toys. Don't get me wrong - nothing beats a warm body, but I couldn't give up masturbation. I use Sunday morning as an example. A little anal play with the hard plastic vibe, lots of lube and the anal plug/vibe was inserted. I kept it on low vibration while I lubed up and played with the new vibe a little. Then I cranked up the speed of the anal vibe and increased the pace with the new vibrator. I have to say it was fucking incredible. Later in the day I repeated the routine for a visitor and replaced the anal vibe with a cock. It was nice too, since I could just lose myself in the sensations (he used the vibe on my at the same time). Jack is not shy when it comes to inanimate objects - hey, some guys are. We screwed around late into the evening Sunday and I was completely out of it on Monday at work.

Speaking of work, I should probably get some sleep. I have old mail to catch up on, but it won't be tonight. So, if you've written me in say... yikes the past month or so, you might hear back from me shortly. If there's way too much I'll try and answer the ones that I can and tell you here that I love getting the mail, but I'm just not so good at responding to it. I should probably dust off the old keyboard on the weekend and try and write something. And I definitely won't leave it for another month before I post something here!

Also, check the "in process" link for a couple of things. The 'toys' directory has some pictures of the toys mentioned above. The 'sounds' directory has two little quick sound bites in a zip file. I need to spend some time working out the technical bugs in my system (I get horrible feedback when I turn up the gain, but it's too soft if I don't). I'll have to pull the computer out from under the desk - it might be as simple as I've got the microphone plugged into the wrong slot. After that I need to look into compressing the files (they're way too big for such a short clip). If that all comes together I'll try recording a longer hello. I'll warn you though, I never know what to say once I'm recording. I might open the floor to scripts... assuming I can stop laughing long enough to record them.

G'night all...

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Wow. I knew it had been a while, but not quite as long as it actually has been. Work, work, work and just a touch of the flu. Nothing serious, but not much fun either. We're also snowed in here in southwestern Ontario, and I hate winter. I can pretty much get into all of the seasons, except winter. I dream of lottery winnings and spending my winters in warm tropical climates being serviced, ummm served, by half-naked men and women. Half-naked because I always think you need a little mystery.

Tonight is really just a hand-waving post so you don't think I've run off and left you. The good news is that I've hired two (wow, not one but two) people at work. It will still likely be a few weeks before everything has settled down. One of them has specifically been hired with the idea of them doing the travelling. If I can get out of that I'll be happier. If they were exciting places to visit I wouldn't consider giving it up, but trust me, they aren't.

Oh, and I had my 38th birthday celebration between the last post and this one. It was a fun night. A few friends took me out to dinner on the Friday night. The Saturday night was more interesting. A few friends (different ones) gave me the chance to have a completely selfish night for myself. It's funny how rarely you do that. I mean, I've had partners where we'll take turns being catered to sexually. Usually though it tends to be a tit for tat kind of thing. ie. you just hold still while I make you come, then I'll do you. This time though, two men and two women completely spoiled me. We're talking massages, kisses, meals made for me, a full-service kind of thing from dusk to dawn. About the only thing I really did was give orders. They didn't actually obey them all because I wasn't allowed to give, only to receive.

And you know something - that's harder than you think. Imagine a sexual experience where you're not allowed to touch, not allowed to lick, or suck, or stroke. Well, you get the picture. When I wanted to help get one of the guys hard I had to watch while one of the women did this. At times it was even frustrating. A good kind of frustrating though. I lost track of the orgasms. The somewhat nutsy goal they set was 38 as a completion point. When you consider that the guys kind of pull down the average (and one was way above the other), I'm not sure we made it. I think it was probably pretty close, but even if we didn't reach it we had a hell of a good time trying.

Anyway, that's enough catch-up for tonight. I've caught up my newsgroup reading (mainly by deleting lots of threads), and I've said hello here. Tomorrow I have some mail to answer (so please be patient if you've written in the last few weeks, I will answer). That gets me to Thursday, and I will write again. Even if it's just to say hi and not to actually work on any writing.

Bye for now...

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Tonight I'm not thinking about sex. There's a shocker. I've spent part of the evening talking politics with a couple of friends. This will probably interest only the Canadians, and possibly only minimally. Belinda Stronach will likely announce her intent to run for the leadership of the Conservative party. This excites me. I know little about her. I'm not really even a Conservative. I wasn't a fan of Mulroney, however, I detested Jean Chretien (1993 "the GST will go"). As usual, people tend to have short attention spans, and the Canadian public re-elected him.

For non-Canadians here, the GST is a Goods and Services Tax added at the cash register, and one added to services as well. This means for most product purchases, you need to remember that you pay 15% tax. That's the simple answer. The Conservative party brought it in ealier, promising to eliminate hidden manufacturing taxes. Most manufacturers simply pocketed the extra profit and the consumer suffered. The major platform of the Liberal take-over was a promise to scrap the GST. They didn't do it. By the time the next election rolled around the voters didn't seem to care. There are far more issues for what is a non-political blog (the death of the Conservative party, the formation of the Reform party, their subsequent attempt to reinvent themselves and the Canadian Alliance, whatever). It's a simple equation, when you split the voting base of a major party in what is basically a two party system, you guarantee the other party rules. For Americans it would be equivalent to say the Democrats splitting into two groups. In most ridings/districts they would split the votes of the Democrats, leaving the Republicans with a staggering majority.

It's tough to recover from that, and the remaining party knows that. There is little accountability, since they know they are almost certainly guaranteed re-election. As a voter, you don't want to vote for them, but any vote for either of the splintered party is basically wasted. It gives too much power to the party in power. To be fair, it's probably only the fear of being tossed out of office that keeps most governments slightly in check. So, the Conservatives and the Canadian Alliance have finally come to their senses and merged back together. Unfortunately after 10 years out of the true power structure they seem to have to real powerhouse individuals ready to lead.

Back to my opening statement. Belinda Stronach, President and CEO of Magna, appears poised to step forward. She is the only person who is not a career politician (so far) throwing her hat into the ring. I know nothing about what her political opinions are. I do know of her from the business world. I surprise myself in the fact that I don't really care. My initial reaction is 'great - she's got my vote'. I'm tired of the politicians of the world. It doesn't seem to matter what they say anyway. Once elected all is forgotten anyway, so does it really matter what they stand for? Wow, isn't that a jaded view of the whole system.

Anyway, she's young (37), female, and heads up a company that (a quote) "As of September 2003, Magna employs approximately 72,000 people at 201 manufacturing divisions and 48 product development and engineering centres throughout North and South America, Mexico, Europe and Asia." Frankly, at this point, not being a career politician is a plus in my books. I'm not sure she's the best person for the job. Of course, I don't think many heads of state are the best people for the job. You need to lie (tell people what they want to hear) to get elected. We as a voting public should be used to that by now.

It will be interesting to see how much Belinda is slagged through the media as she makes her way into the political arena. On a local 'sound off' board I've seen both positive and negative things said already. The negatives point out that she's twice-divorced, a university drop-out and only has her job because it's her father's company. The first shouldn't matter (what % of the population is divorced?), her father (a self-made man) has little education himself, and having built the company from the ground up is unlikely to support his daughter unless she's a competant individual. (ie. if he's smart enough to build company with approx. 13 billion (US) dollars annual revenue and probably wouldn't trust that to an idiot)

The time has come to go back to a more robust two-party system. The NDP (the third party) is unlikely to ever form a national government, so a stronger Conservative party is needed. Politics rarely excite me, but tonight I see some hope for the future. If nothing else, the Liberal party needs to realise that they have to watch their step. No longer can they screw the public over and not worry about the next election.

Oh... and to end it with an amost ob-sex comment, she's a hell of a lot better looking than most of our political leaders.
( http://www.magnaint.com/magnaWeb.nsf/webpages/News+And+Media+-+Bio+2?OpenDocument )

Don't worry, it's not about to become a political column, it's just what I'm thinking about tonight. The coming weekend - back to the sex. Goodnight all.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Yikes - last minute dinner plans sucked up most of my evening. I still came home itching to write. I did a little work on Aggressively Submissive although there is a section of it that might need a little beefing up. For the moment though, I'll post section 3 for you to read. Anyone who hasn't read the back story can find the whole thing under the In Process link on the left.

Section #3 - Initiation

I knew that I wasn’t really ready, but you have to take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves. I came close to her side and touched her. Softly. The tips of my fingers started tracing her body. I felt the taut muscles in her arms, straining slightly against her bonds. Her fingers reached out for mine, but I pulled them free. I stroked her nipples, watching them harden a little at my touch. Her skin felt soft and yielding beneath my hands as I stroked her belly, her thighs, her legs.

I stayed away from the intimate depths between her legs. It’s funny how someone could even consider themself shy at the same time that they were stroking a naked, bound woman. It was so hard to overcome the mixed messages bombarding my brain.

Don’t touch.


Walk away.

Get closer.

Untie her.


Say something.


The last one hit me hard. Janine lay quietly on the bed, her lips just slightly apart, waiting for me. I bent over her, my mouth coming close to hers. At the last moment I moved away, planting that quick kiss on a hard nipple. The other one deserved the same attention, with a quick lick for kicks. She moaned softly as I went back to the first, sucking it lightly into my mouth.

“Touch me,” she begged.

So I did.

Fingers slid into wet flesh. A practiced ritual I knew so well. The difference was that my fingers were in someone else’s flesh. No, someone else’s cunt. A blunt word that excited me. A new idea hit me. I quickly pulled my fingers out.

She whispered, “No.”

“Beg me,” I commanded.

Pleading eyes met mine. “Touch me.”


“Between my legs.”

“You’re too vague,” I said as I stroked her legs. “Be more precise.”

She seemed to waver over the word. “Touch my pussy.”

I laughed. “You have a cat, do you? Don’t be shy my dear. Try again.”

I swear she blushed a little. How nice to see that she perhaps wasn’t as experienced as she let on.

“Touch my cunt. Please?”

“Better. You want me to put my fingers in your cunt? You want to be fucked? Hard or soft, you decide.”

She nodded softly, but didn’t answer the question. Ashamed or unsure, I didn’t know. I decided to take it slow, slipping my fingers back inside her. She seemed wetter, but it may have been my imagination. The slow caressing strokes didn’t last long. Two fingers were followed quickly by three as I increased the pace. Her moans were no longer quiet, her cunt sopping wet. I felt quick hard contractions against my fingers as she came, crying out louder than I expected. I pulled my fingers free, spreading her own cum on her belly, enjoying the wetness on her flesh.

“Oh god, that was wonderful Linda, but you’re still dressed. Untie me and I’ll return the favour.”

“Not yet my dear. Perhaps in time. A short break is required. Don’t go anywhere.”

I chuckled at the thought. Where exactly was she going. I walked over to the desk, pulling out the room service menu. There just wasn’t the choices I was looking for, but an idea had formed in my head.

“You want anything from room service?”

She struggled a little against her bonds. “You’re not going to untie me? I’m not an exhibitionist you know.”

“Hey, quiet please. You did say that you would do anything I wanted right? Maybe the room service waiter will be cute.”

“Linda, you wouldn’t. Would you?”

I smiled at her. “No, probably not. I might let him peek a little. We’ll see.”

I placed a small order of items that would keep for a while. I hung up the phone let her take a short break and retied her bonds on the bed. She was face down this time, but with looser bonds. I’d looked over the toys and found something that intereste me - her strap-on. As a woman I’ve always wondered what it felt like to fuck someone. This wouldn’t give me a complete answer, but it might do. I made a visit to the bathroom, and stripped off most of my clothing. I worked out the straps and slid the fake cock on. I had to dim the bathroom lights a lot to even pretend it was mine. I should note that I was particularly well hung for my size.

I went back into the bedroom, and got up behind Janine on the bed. I pulled her roughly to a kneeling position getting up close behind her. I grabbed the lube from the bed, covering my new shaft until it glistened. Her bottom waved enticingly in my direction and the tip of my cock bounced against her.

“Stop moving.”

She held still, spreading her legs apart just a little more. I grabbed the flesh-like cock, rubbing its head against her, searching for her clit. Cunt lips pulled apart, the head brushed back and forth against sensitive flesh.

“What do you want Janine? Tell me.”

“I want you to take me?”

I smiled. There was that shyness again. “More specific.”

She turned her head a little, licking her lips before speaking. “I want you to fuck me. Fuck my cunt. Hard.”

“Much better. I’m going to cure you of your shyness.

Silently I realised that I was very quickly getting over my own. I paused, wanting to savour the moment. It was quite a thing, getting ready to fuck someone. As I leaned forward, guiding myself in, I heard the sharp rap at the door.

Shit, the room service!

(End section 3)

* * * * *

That's it for tonight. Tomorrow or Thursday will bring the next segment. For this piece there are probably two more sections (the strap-on fuck and some relief for Linda).

'night all.

Monday, January 12, 2004

It's funny you know how things can just seem so, well, sexual. I was on the phone with Todd the other night and we were trying to find time to get together. It was last Tues or Wed and I was telling him I was pretty busy (not being home and all didn't help). At some point, not even thinking of the connotation I used a phrase something like 'I'll be pretty tied up' and *bam* there we were with a sexual opening. I really can't blame him. He's started working his way through some of the website, and his mind is filled with sexual images and potential opportunities. He tried making some joke about I'd be more than pretty tied up and I made sure he understood that we weren't going there.

For those that haven't figured it out, when I do bondage, I'm the one doing the tying. I just don't enjoy the inability to move to be on the other end. Oh, I've tried it, but my preference is definitely to be the one in control. I'm not a whips and chains kind of gal, but the complete control of another individual is fascinating - and arousing. It's not about inflicting pain (for me at least). It's about slowly bringing someone to climax, very slowly. Pausing while they contemplate the fact that their fate, and orgasm, is in your hands.

Damn, I can't even write in general terms about it without it getting to me. It's an addiction of sorts, although one I only indulge in from time to time. Todd was convinced to give it a shot, and from the results on Saturday and a repeat performance on Sunday, he was definitely into the experience. It was a rush, although I hope he'll forgive the fact that my personal preference is to have a woman under my control. I think Terri isn't much into it (we're really two dommes constantly fighting for control). The fantasy woman would be slender, short, dark-haired, kind of a vulnerable look. Someone who craves it, but it almost too shy to make her wishes known. I think that's where Aggressively Submissive started, although the true fantasy probably involves the more dominant woman pushing the submissive one into admitting, even begging for it.

Hmmm, now doesn't that sound fun? Sadly it's late and I must be up early for work tomorrow. So for now I'm off to sleep, and definitely to dream. Focusing back on the dom/sub has given me a little encouragement to write more about it so tomorrow instead of a little rambling chat, I'm going to that first.


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